I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
