you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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