I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
