Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
