I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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