the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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