That's intense
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
