I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
