oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
