well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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