Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
