i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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