How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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