two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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