Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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