my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
