if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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