I want to have your abortion
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
