when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
