Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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