You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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