Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have fence marks all over my body
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
