I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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