conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
