Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
