like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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