So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
