I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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