Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize