i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
