Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize