I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
