Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
