so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
