I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
