After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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