we're chasing vodka with high fives
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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