in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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