So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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