once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
