Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
