The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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