All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
