you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
