you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
