I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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