it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
