i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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