i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
