true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
