Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
two words: eviction party
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
