mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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