I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
