Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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