HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
