im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize