i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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