Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
