fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
