Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
