my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
