you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
