you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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