We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize