The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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