you would pick up someone in the library
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
