i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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