I must be too annoying 4 u.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
