i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
