She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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